I hate when you look at your own posts and think "This looks like something Holden would write." Followed quickly by "Am I really this batshit insane?"

Your results:
You are Jean-Luc Picard

Jean-Luc Picard 100% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 75% Will Riker 65% Spock 57% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 40% Mr. Sulu 40% Deanna Troi 40% Uhura 35% Worf 35% Data 34% James T. Kirk (Captain) 25% Chekov 25% Geordi LaForge 25% Mr. Scott 20% Beverly Crusher 10%

A lover of Shakespeare and other fine literature. You have a decisive mind and a firm hand in dealing with others.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character am I?" quiz...

So two weird things happened tonight. The first was that Nausicaa went to cuddle on her blanket again, but then was freaked out by what I assumed was just another cricket. It had been on the blanket all night so I just assumed it was a cricket and just didn't care enough to do anything about it. But her sniffing and nuzzling the blanket disturbed it and it began to scuttle around quickly. I grabbed a shoe at first worried that it was a roach, and then realized it was in fact an ant like insect the size of my thumbnail. It has to be some sort of wingless wasp, I've got it captured in a Starbucks bottle. If it is still alive tomorrow I will bring it in to work and show it off.

The second weird ocurrence happened around ten. Something began hitting my screen door, and when I walked over I realized that it was a mid sized colorful bird bent on getting in to the house. When I startled it away from the screen it started to fly into the window, so I decided to walk outside to catch it and take a picture. I caught it, put it in a box and took a few photos before accidentally letting it loose in the house. I managed to recapture it and took some photos in my hand before releasing it outside. I noticed after about ten minutes that Nausicaa was behaving a bit strangely and realized it was still on the porch looking in. I tried to catch it again, thinking I would rather have it a little freaked out under a laundry basket all night than having it start bashing into the windows again. That managed to scare it enough for it to fly off. I'm not one for signs, but the whole thing felt symbolic in some way. Maybe not symbolic, perhaps portentious? I don't know but it was fun.

I just finished a fifty minute ashtanga yoga workout. I certainly feel like less of a fuck-up now. Not that I am particularly good at yoga, or that I am any less a fuck up for managing to drag my lazy ass away from my computer long enough to work out like that. It's just that after a workout like that where you have used all of your muscles and stretched them and your joints, you feel good. It's easier to ignore all of the shit that happens in life, and the fact that you are pathetic, hideous, worthless. Instead you feel like you have sunshine in your blood warming up your entire body.
I really need to do yoga more often. I feel great and I skipped dinner, but I feel quite sated regardless.

Tomorrow I may get a tattoo. I don't know. The prospect is exciting, but also a little nerve racking. It's going to hurt like hell where I want the tattoo. I like the design I came up with though, and it is a bit symbolic I guess. Not in the pathetic way that hearts or stars are though, that shit drives me nuts. I think I will also ask how much belly button pierceings are too. Why not.

My place is a terrible disaster, and I should get to cleaning it tonight, but I don't want to. My muscles just feel delicious right now. I don't understand why I do not devote more time to yoga, I can never get over how good it feels.

The music video for Sing Me Spanish Techno is amazing. Cracked me up. I also watched the New Pornographers video for Use it. It's the second music video I have seen in the last two nights with David Cross in it. I love David Cross, evertime I see him I immediately think of fifty awesome Tobias moments, so even if what he is doing isn't really funny, I still crack myself up.

My dog is so cute, I can't stand it. All of my pets are really. I am so glad I have them to pick me up when I feel shitty. Even though they cost a lot of money and they like to destroy my things, I don't regret any of them. Icarus let me pet him and scratch his neck earlier, that was pretty cool. I wonder if movie night is still going to occur tomorrow night. I have a feeling that it is just going to be me and Andrea again, which is fine. I feel a little weird about having the boys over. I'm mad at one on Andrea's behalf, and I just feel weird about the other. Oh well, what happens happens. And stays happened. Ooh lala. Profound.

In a side note my horoscope on Facebook says that Gemini's are exciting and can provide great insights. I love that. Exciting in the way that Schroedinger's Cat experiments are exciting, open the box to find one or the other, they are both in there before you do. Insightful? Maybe it meant that if you follow my example you get insights into what life is like for the mentally deficient or ill. Who knows? It cracked me up though. I love the thought of people asking my advice about things. Hilariously bad idea.

Man my health has been odd lately. I keep going from feeling very sick and fevered to feeling better than usual. I have no idea what my body is doing, and I don't think it has a clue either.

So the other day I found information on a certificate program for natural illustration available at the Desert Sonoran Museum. It looks amazing, I want to enroll so bad, I could get a degree of sorts without having to deal with collegiate bullshit. BUt I don't want to move to Tuscon, that is a shitty town. So I decided that I wouldn't take any steps to enroll, but it did make me realize that I really hate my job. I really need to push to get out of customer service, it's awful.

A list of things that scared my dog on the way to the creek:
In order of appearance.

1. A stranger

2. Big sprinklers

3. White fences

4. Llamas

5. Guinea Fowl

6. Vehicles

7. Other dogs

8. Squirrels

9. Small children on a trampoline from very very far away

10. Floating sticks.

Its funny how I ignore this thing for weeks, and then all of a sudden it is my best friend again. I will say LJ is the only website, not webcomic that I have continued to use at all. I have accounts on shit all over the internet, but LJ is the only one that I stuck with for more than a few months before getting bored with and ignoring it forever. I've been wanting to write a lot lately, but everytime I sit down to type all I can think about is how much of a shit I am at everything and that none will care or like it and I just shouldn't even try it. So instead I listen to music and compose poetry in my head. Useless.

I need more sketchbooks again, which really is quite ridiculous. I don't draw that much, or at least that's how it feels, but already I think I need a new big bristol pad and another small sketchbook. And another 9b pencil. I used one the other day and even though the drawing is rough because I only used the one pencil, I was suprised by the versatility of the marks I made.

Also today is the day I start smoking. It may also be the day I quit, that bit is yet to be seen. There is never a good reason to start smoking, but there are many bad ones, and added up with a apathetic attitude anyine can start. It's like drinking, well for me at least, I new the risks and dove right in anyway. Also secondhand smoke is supposed to be deadlier than smoking, and everyone I know besides Andrea does it so I'm fucked anyways. Listen to me, justifying like a champ. I was born for politics.

Just got my tax refund! Woo! I can make rent now! I am so glad, because I would have had to avoid getting gas all week in order not to overdraw, but now I have oh, 5 times the amount of money I did before in my accounts. I can buy a shirt. It's so exciting, not to be stressed about money, and can I make rent. Yes I can. I had to gush a little, this is pretty big for me.

I think I need to just erase my okcupid. I don't know what I am doing on that stupid site. I'm pretty content with the way things are. I don't need it.

So I just had to throw a tiny baby bird off of my porch and over the hillside. Doki did not seem to want this one either. I was going to look up trying to hand feed the poor little thing, but tonight Nabi was taking care of it. Until Doki threw it out. It's beak was a little fucked up but I don't know if that was from the fall or if it was born like that and that's why Doki rejected it. Whichever it was, it's pretty sad. Poor little mite.

On a different note it looks like Icarus' tail will grow back. I'm very glad. This has been a terrible week for my birds.

For anyone interested in booze and literature I present to you, the American Psycho drinking game.

1. If something racist has been said, take a drink.

2. If the word faggot is used take a drink.

3. If you know every visible article of clothing on a character, and who designed it, take a drink.

4. If more than three toiletries are being used in conjunction, take a drink.

5. If a waitress is referred to as a "Hardbody" take a drink.

6. If a homeless person is present, take a drink.

7. If said homeless person is then taunted, double your pleasure, 2 drinks.

8. If you know how much a dinner cost, take a drink.

9. If the Platinum Amex is out, drink.

10. If Patrick has just said something heinous or horrifying, and nobody noticed, take a drink.

11. If any form of drug is taken, take a drink.

12. If someone has been mean to a girl, take a drink.

13. If she probably deserves it, take two.

14. If you know what played on Sally Winters, take a drink.

15. If someone mentions AIDS, take a drink.


Please note, to play this game correctly, by the end of the novel you need to be dead or free-basing cocaine.

I really hate how loudly and insanely I laugh when I am alone. I keep scaring the dog...and myself.

Haha, also I flipped off a coworker yesterday, but half accidentally. I can't wait to hear about it.

I envy my parrot. Hangovers make me feel like I should stand behind something with all my feathers fluffed looking miserable. Then if anyone dares move in my vicinity I should grumble and his before slumping back into my fugue.

Instead I am covered in this stupid pink shit, with totally stationary hair. All I can do is drink diet coke, take a shower, and get on with the day.

Fucking lame.

Fuck everything. It can all go and get fucked. Fuck it. Fucking hellfuck.


That was purely for theraputic reasons.

I am trying very hard not to gag right now. I decided for lunch that I would have some pita and hummus. Fine, no problem, quick and easy right? Well the problem is that I kept the pita in the fridge to prevent it spoiling beofre I could eat all of it, so it was cold and stiff. I don't like corpse like pita, so I was just going to toss it in a pan in the stove and let it warm up. Problem, I walked out of the kitchen and forgot what I had done. So I'm dicking around in my living room and all of a sudden I realize that something doesn't smell so good. I walk in to see the blackened disk of bread gently smoking in the pan, and as I pulled it off the stove, it burst into flames! It didn't burn for long, just a little flash of fire, but now my house stinks and is smoky.

In other news I got my xbox and I love it. I've been playing Fallout 3 which is a great game, but I keep dieing ridiculously often. Mainly because I keep being a dick and pissing people off enough to attack me. It's still fun.

I hate that I put myself on a diet, and all week I have been forcing myself to eat more, because I realized I was only getting 500 calories a day. So every night I have to force myself to eat a little more, trying to break 1000. Usually the best I do is 700 though. Maybe I will somehow continue to lose weight anyway.

Yesterday I went into New Frontiers after work, and honestly I don't know why. I kept browsing the aisles looking for something cheap that I actually would eat. It wasn't long before I began to feel like everyone in the store was judging me, that they all hated me. I kept walking through the aisles getting more and more freaked out before I finally selected a steak on clearance and fled to checkout.

THe checkout woman was the worst out of the whole store. She didn't look at me and I was sure it was because she was disgusted by me. So it was really a relief to leave. I stepped outside and realized that during the last bit of checkout I had stopped breathing. THen on the way home I was so freaked out that I had to speed. A cop damn near gave me a heartattack when I flew around a corner at 20 over and realized he was sitting there. I slammed on my brakes and hoped to hell that no one was riding my ass, because honestly, I was not paying attention.

Also, I am getting a little nervous on the whole Alec front. I keep hinting that we need to meet, but I brought up that we both have two of the same days free, and he just said something about how weekends usually fill up. So my immediate thought was that, I should just give up on him. Maybe he didn't mean it like it sounded, I don't know.

Also this morning I discovered the best website, called Improv Everywhere. Funny shit yo.

I have been really fucking pissed pretty much this entire week. Good stuff has happened, and I want to talk about it, but every time I come to this site all I can think of is how angry I am at everything and everyone. It's weird. I wasn't even angry a minute ago, and now I want to bite something. Hopefully I get over this really bizarre kick soon.

It's amazing how people can be sexist in such casual offhand ways.

I had to go grocery shooping today, because my fucking dog ate a bunch of persimmons and then vommited all over my carpet. I cleaned it up, but then the house smelled so bad I had to get out. SO I decided to get groceries for when Andrea comes over, and to go get a game so when my Xbox arrives I have something to play.

SO I go to the game store and find a cheap used copy of Assassin's Creed. THe whole visit was frustrating, because I was trying to remain as distant from the other shoppers as possible, and one in particular kept standing really close behind me. THen when I get to the checkout, the man at the counter looks at what I selected and goes, "This game is really brutal you know." He had the tone and inflection of someone trying to protect a little baby from burning itself on the stove. I told him I had actually reallly wanted the game for a while and he looked completely surprised for an instant and then he rang me up.

It just really pissed me off that he had no idea how sexist that interaction was. I'm a girl, so I probably don't know enough about games to know if they are violent or not, and I won't like violent games. Girls like barbies, and buy racing games for their boyfriends. THey hate violence. All I know is that really chapped my ass, and he has no fucking clue that he was being bigotted at all.